"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." -Augusten Burroughs


You know when you walk into a room and you forget why you entered in the first place? Well that's how I feel everyday, every second. I drive head first into every situation with the deepest conviction and logic. Then I awake in a cloudy daze, never understanding why I do the things I do.

The trouble is, you think you have time.

It's as though I'm on this train, with people constantly getting on and off. Some leave quickly, without so much as a backward glance. I almost prefer those insufferable passengers, the goodbye is easy. But then there are those that take their time, saying goodbye slowly and intricately, before they tip-toe away to better lives. Regardless of the individual au revoir, they all manage to leave something behind: a scraggly scarf that still has the faintest scent of coffee, a pearly, beaded necklace reminiscent of better times, or some obscure novel in french script. I gather up my collection of their little memoirs, and I teach myself not to mind the circus of passengers. Despite the fact that scraggly, coffee-stained scarves do not keep you warm, beaded necklaces do eventually fall apart, and obscure, french novels don't keep you occupied for very long.

I have five clocks in my life, and only one has the time right.

"I don’t doubt myself because of you. I feel like the best version of myself when I’m with you, and that makes me doubt everything else." - Keeping the Faith

My future self is the only motivation that keeps me trudging forward. I keep hoping the person I'll become from all of this will be worth it. I'll be worth it.

"I’m always anxious thinking I’m not living my life to the fullest, y’know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I’m not wasting one second of the little time I have." - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"If we can forgive what’s been done to us, if we can forgive what we’ve done to others. If we can leave all of our stories behind, our being victims and villains - only then can we maybe rescue the world. But we still wait here, while we’re still victims, waiting to be saved. Waiting to be discovered while we suffer." – Chuck Palahniuk

We're all laughing with God.

I'm sick of feeling like a failure. I know I'm not, but I can't ease this feeling.

I think my life would make a perfect story on a conflicted teenage girl. But I'm sure we all feel this way, boys excluded of course.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" This question has haunted me for days. Mainly, because I don't have the answer for it.

"Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there’s a why. Maybe somewhere there’s that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen."- The United States of Leland


These last few days, all I've desired to do is lay out on the grass and read a book. I want to cherish this beautiful weather.
I really like him. I hope that's enough for now.

I'm currently reading this memoir. Her stories are fantasting, but heartbreaking.

"It's said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been, but what about the man whose faced with what was, or what may never be, or what can no longer be? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us, but sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy, and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be, and that's when we find our way to something better, or when something better finds its way to us."

I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose

I'm conflicted.
Why must I always be conflicted?
I need some clarity.

A friend introduced me to this song.
It really spoke to me.

You got me living in the past.

"Only after disaster can we be resurrected." -Fight Club

I'm dragging the past with me to every encounter I have. I suppose I expect to be disappointed. I shouldn't have this mentality. I know better.
Karma is proven frighteningly so everyday. I always receive what I dish out.
Kind words, kind thoughts, kind actions....Then repeat. Honestly, it's not so much of an effort anymore. I forgot how to be mean to people. Maybe one day I will attempt to relearn. Which makes me wonder...did I ever know how to stand up for myself?

I feel like moving on today. Let's see if this carries on to tomorrow.