Childhood

I feel like reverting back to my childhood for a moment.

For the longest time, I believed in fairies. I was determined to prove they existed. Needless to say, I never saw one, but that didn't stop me from believing.


Alice and wonderland scared the hell out of me. To this day, I still won't watch it. I don't know what it is, just something about it gives me shivers. I'm going to have to face this ridiculous fear one day.

Ironically enough, this was my favorite show. My mom didn't like me watching it, but I couldn't keep myself away from it. It fascinated me.

The first time I saw the hanson brothers, was when I discovered the birds and the bees. These boys were my obsession. Me and my brother would bang on pots and pans and sing mmm bop all day long.


I get to visit megan tomorrow!
Words can not describe how happy I am right now.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."


I'm really excited about the person I'm becoming. Lord knows, it sure took long enough.
I'm finding things that really interest me and make me happy. Not shallow things, that leave you feeling emptier than before you did them, but real, fascinating things.
Even though our economy sucks,I have no job, I'm failing math, relationships are breaking, and I don't have a car, I'm really loving life right now.
For once, materialistic things are meaningless.
And that my friend, is the best feeling in the entire world.

I'll take the blame

"And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

I've been thinking lately where I would be now if I had never met him.
If I'd be here in a pool of self-doubt, wondering how the hell I've managed to screw up yet again.


I miss feeling inoccent.
I miss my father being the only man in my life.
I miss taking others helpful advice.

I hate having these off days where I beat myself up over the past.

I hate him some days. Other days I thank him.
But at the end of the day, I only have myself to blame.

“You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices.
Or you can fight back.
Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is.
But for the most part, you get what you give.
Rest of your life is being shaped right now. With the dreams you chase….The choices you make….and the person you decide to be.
The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now.”

eighteen years so far.

So tomorrow is a very eventful day.
Tomorrow I turn eighteen. Turning eighteen is a whole new territory for me.
Tommorow I can:
buy lottery tickets
vote
buy adult material
open a checking account
buy ciggarettes
get an adult liscense
get a tattoo/piercing
serve on a jury
get married
get into a strip club
date men as old as I please
oh yes......and go to prision =/
good thing I'm not a criminal.
I'm excited! Just the option of being allowed to do those things is liberating.

He affected me more than I'm willing to admit to anyone.


this sucks.

Lists? I love lists!
I shall make one.
Here is a list of the things that remind me up people that have affected me the most:

UPS
Lake Lanier
Saturn's
Lacrosse
Tail gating
The Hyatt Place
Snow Patrol
Womanizer
Six Flags
Black Friday
Tulips
Bar tenders
The simpsons
Jason Meraz
My Birthday
Sour Patch Kids
New Jersey
Twins
Barnes and Nobel
River banks

I started writing again.
I feel like a burden has been lifted.
heres a little something from my newest story:

"The first time I saw the Wizard of Oz was the first day I saw the world for what it really was. Dorthy had lived in her black and white world, complete with simplicity and scructure..then this new, colorful world with all it's magic and wonder, questioned everything she believed. Right and wrong was no longer defined by traditions and people's unreasonable standards, but rather the judge inside of us. The voice that tugs at our heart and tells us whether something is good or bad. We decide what path to choose. No one else. The truth is, life was never black and white. The world has always been in color. If someone tells me it's wrong to love you, I'll know it's a lie. I know it's right to love you. Thats the only black and white I know."