Well the worst is over. I've done all I can to get myself back together. The future is looking much brighter. A more confident, mature, and stronger person will come through all of this. In all truth, I'm thankful. Experience is a bitch, but it works.

I think I just hit rock bottom. The guilt and regret of these past few months is almost unbearable. But for the first time, I want to change. Not I think I have to change, or because people think I should change, but because I want to. I'm sick of the damage I've been causing, on myself and those I care for most. I've put some potential friendships in jeopardy because of my actions. I could always continue to blame the people that have hurt me, for the way I am, yet I know truthfully, I only have myself to blame. This week I'm going to have to rid my life of certain people, and it's going to hurt like hell. But I need to do it. For once I need to put myself above what others want. It's the only way I can grow.

Game plan

So I had to make a goal in health today. I decided to get more sleep. I was reading last night(at 12 o'clock, when I should have been sleeping) that lack of sleep shortens your life span. I defiantly don't want that. So I'm hitting the sheets earlier from now on. Maybe I won't feel so tried anymore when I wake up at Five.

I really hope I get to see Megan this weekend. I miss her.

I honestly don't know what the hell I'm doing. Where did all my convictions go?
I don't even know if I'm doing what I want anymore, or just doing it out of habit.
I'm losing control, and the scary part is that I don't really care right now.

The new semester started today. I'm taking Political Science, Psychology, Health, Math, and a College success course.
I'm feeling a little burnt out.
Oh well, I'm making straight A's this semester...maybe one B...No, straight A's.
All I want to do is go home and take a nice,warm nap.

I love my friends. They give me such a refreshing outlook on life.

Change comes again

Today was hard. I don't do well with goodbyes. It's infuriating how I can care so much for someone who couldn't care less about me. He does an excellent job pretending he does but I see right through his charming performance. A secret came out today. Everyone will feel sorry for me and lose respect for him. It's ridiculous. Just because I'm young, it doesn't make me naive. I don't want to think about how much this situation is going to effect me in the future. I'm just thankful I got through it. Things should be better after today. I'm getting a fresh start.

I'm such a people pleaser. I don't care what the experts say, that's a serious flaw.
I could just scream.


I need to learn how to dance in the rain.

I didn't go to work today. Instead I spent the day with my mother for her birthday present.
Hmm..



I too am capable of feeling hurt. I'm tried of being viewed as the heart breaker. Some boys are complete morons.

I can do this

I'm still waiting for the day when I wont get sick to my stomach whenever I see a UPS truck.
I really hope it's soon, because I spot one every two seconds.

I learned how to say no today. I might have hurt someone in the process, but I needed to in order to protect myself. Aye, the choices we must make.
One more week of work. Only two more days of seeing him. I can do this.



Ironically enough, it's suppose to rain all week.